Selfish
by nii-nii93
Summary: Sun Ce breaks the news to Da Qiao. How will she take it and what will happen? Fluffy, simple & sweet SCxDQ
1. Part I

_Okay, so this had started out as a songfic. In the end I decided to screw the song & that this would just be its own thing._

_This is my first fan fiction so any comments/reviews/criticisms are much appreciated^^_

___Enjoy._

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Their love making had been most passionate and had lasted hours into the dark yet cool early morning in the Wu palace. Not that these occasions were a surprise or rare, but rather than the usual loving, lusting and general enjoyment of each other's company she was used to feeling, there was a sense of need tonight. Of course whenever it had anything to do with her Sun Ce, the feeling would rub off on her and an equal emotion of desire and want swept over her too. Maybe she was selfish she had thought as the petite beauty snuggled up in the arms of her husband. She should have enquired within about this out-of-the-norm attitude rather than allow her lust and love overpower this. Or maybe that would have been selfish. Maybe it was better for her to just give him what he wanted.. Not that she was complaining or anything.

She looked up at her love, soaking in his appearance, and noted that, on that charming face she had found herself falling deeper in love with every day, there was an odd look of.. Now, what was that exactly? Da Qiao couldn't quite place her finger on it but there was definitely something there.

Sun Ce caught her looking and, with that character smirk of his, the odd look disappeared.

"What's up?" he asked.

His wife knew he was hiding something somehow. "You tell me." She countered back, although there was more of a serious and concerned note to her voice. The young lady sat up so that she could look him in the eye. He thought about what to say for a while - trying to think of something to come up with - when eventually he sighed and he too sat up. He took his wife's hand in his, looked her in the eye and said.

"I have to go to war."

There. He said it. He hadn't wanted her to find out like this but he figured he'd say it now rather than continue to keep it a secret and possibly lose his bottle about telling her anyway. It was strange how he was not afraid to go off to the war; he was more afraid of telling his wife about it. As he watched her expression drop with obvious sadness and even more concern than was already there, he understood why.

She lay back down in the soft linen sheets to let the newly acquired information soak in. Maybe to comfort her.. Or maybe it was because he was worried - it could have been a combination of both - Sun Ce lay down and held his dear wife in his arms.

Her earlier thoughts of feeling selfish resurfaced. She knew that the country needed him. She knew that he was one of the best warriors out there. She even knew that he actually did enjoy that rush of adrenaline only battle could inject into his veins.

So it really did seem out of hand that she only wanted him to be by her side where she knew he was safe.

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_This was going to be a one-shot but its become more of a two part story. The next chapter is much longer - I think this is more like some sort of intro.._

_Hope you enjoy and thanks again for any reviews!_

_Annie x_


	2. Part II

_Second chapter and as promised, it's much longer.. Hope you like it ^^_

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Although she had shut her eyes after the news had been told, it had taken hours for her to get to sleep. She had tried everything in her power to get tired by counting in her head, trying to come up with a really boring story, making lists.. Nothing had seemed to work. Although she must have fallen asleep at some point because the next time she opened her eyes there was a column of light that seeped into the room through the slight parting between the silk curtains that covered the grand bedroom's large windows.

But there was something not quite right. She stretched her arms and legs out to find that she was in bed by herself this morning. She sighed as she recalled the events that had occurred only a few hours ago. This was probably going to be a regular thing now. Sun Ce was probably at some war council meeting or training or maybe he was avoiding her due to her reaction.

She felt like she should have been angry with him. Yet at the same time she felt that she should pour her heart and soul into loving him for the next few weeks before he left. Why did he have to leave her by herself? Why did there have to be a war? Why couldn't she just be proud that her dear husband was fighting for their country? Gracefully lifting her torso from the soft sheets and sliding her feet into silk slippers, she walked over to a basin at the far end of her room, dropped a few drops of her scented oil which had a scent which was sweet yet not too overpowering and some sort of calming effect. After washing her face with this water, she dried herself with the fluffy towel beside it and preceded to her wardrobe to dress herself.

Leaving her hair down and just sliding a gold pin in the shape of a blossom through her hair, she walked out the door of the room. A passing maid asked if there was something she should ask the cook to make for her, but Da Qiao had found that she had no appetite for breakfast this morning.

But what was there for her to do? All of her male friends were most probably at the war meeting and the only female company she had consisted of Sun Shang Xiang and her younger sister, Xiao Qiao. Her sister-in-law was probably where all the men were, after all she was a fantastic asset to the Wu army. Although her sister would not be attending the war, her own home was not in the Wu Palace. She exhaled deeply, sad that she could talk to no one about how she was feeling. At least her sister would be feeling some sorts of similar feelings to her. There was no doubt that the great strategist of Wu would be leaving to war and leaving his little Xiao Qiao behind. Perhaps the girl would like to stay with her older sister while their husbands were away. The prospect of not being completely alone had lifted her spirits and that pleased her, even if it was only a little. Since she was not in the mood to go outside, maybe reading a book would calm her down.

The war meeting was endless. Although it seemed like too much of a hassle to the eldest son of the Sun Jian, he did understand the purpose and importance of these meetings. Then again, there should have been some way for the meetings to be less tiresome. The only thing that kept him awake in that moment was the fact that Gan Ning and Ling Tong appeared to be in some sort of spat. He couldn't hear everything they were saying but it was a dispute about a competition they had had together. He looked at Zhou Yu beside him who smiled amusedly, most likely knowing what had happened.

Although he was at a war meeting he felt, no, he knew that he still needed to have words with his wife about what happened last night. He had been sort of surprised by how she reacted; she said nothing and just went to sleep. Whether this was a good sign or not, he couldn't be certain.. However he got the feeling that it wasn't good.

He knew that she was probably upset he was leaving her; Da Qiao always worried about him. But then it wasn't going to be a walk in the park for him. Even though he could be distracted by the fights that ensued during battle, when he was by himself his thoughts would be drowned by the image of him and Da Qiao together. The pains of missing her were worse than any battle wound he endured.

She was sat by a sunny window in the corner of the grand library of the Wu Palace. One of the many places she enjoyed was this room. Although it was an area that not many people frequented, it was kept immaculately clean. Actually, little to her knowledge, Sun Ce had ordered the maids to make sure that the library was maintained every day.

The book she had open in front of her was a compilation of her favourite poetry, however her eyes were not reading the words. In fact, she found herself staring out the window for long periods of time. Was this really what she was doing? She was literally watching the day go by..

He knew he'd find her here. The meeting finally ended and it was well into the afternoon so he was free to do what he wanted now. And what he wanted was to know how his wife felt. He could see her sitting in her usual place in the corner. Sun Ce could see the sunlight lighting up her beautiful face. However the expression she had been wearing when he told her he was off to war was evidently still on her face.

She must have sensed his presence; there's a different feel in the air when you aren't alone in a room anymore. Da Qiao looked up and smiled, glad to see him for the first time today in daylight. He walked towards her and sat on the window seat next to her. He held her delicate hand in both of his and they held each other's gaze for a few moments.

They seemed to be having a mental conversation of their own. Maybe they didn't know _exactly_ what words were going through each other's heads, but they knew they were on the same wavelength. Breaking the silence, Da Qiao raised her free hand and held onto the strong hands that were holding onto the other. She knew what he wanted to talk about; she knew the question he wanted ask her.

"I'm not angry with you. I'm not upset with you either." she said softly.

"Then tell me how you're feeling" Sun Ce asked.

How was she feeling? That was a good question. She knew how she wasn't feeling; if he had asked her that she could answer him. She felt really bad for some of the things she felt and most of her feelings contradicted each other.

"My Lord, I can't describe it in a way that makes sense so I'm saying everything." She breathed in deeply "I'm scared that your leaving me all by myself. I'm scared that you'll get hurt or worse, maybe you won't come back. But then I'm proud you'll fight for our country and I know I can fall into your embrace when this is all over."

She sighed, glad to get that off her chest.. But that wasn't even the start.

"I don't want to be without you because if you're not there I'm lonely. I won't be able to eat or sleep while I know you're out there fighting. But I can't bear the thought of you here with me while I know you'd truly shine in the heat of battle."

Sun Ce saw that there was a film of tears over her eyes. This was so much to worry about, and she had been right about it being complicated. Yet still he seemed to understand everything she was saying to him.

"…and finally I feel completely selfish at the moment for so many reasons. This is a time when many people depend on you; you're already under so much pressure. Being your wife, I should understand that more than anyone else. My self-serving, wishful, preoccupied thoughts seem to be causing you trouble.. And that is the thing I want the least."

They looked at each other for a while. Sun Ce didn't know how to reply. For a start, he was never one who was good with words. He'd probably say something stupid this time too, yet he took the moment to consider his words.

In the silence he gently tugged on the hand he was holding so that he was holding the beautiful Da Qiao in his arms. It was a feeling that they both cherished; that feeling that let them know that nothing could stop them from being together. Nothing would get in their way, no mountain was too high for them.

"Remember this feeling like I will, my love. This is the only thing that will keep me going while I'm out there. I'm so sorry I have to leave you here. I'm sorry you have so many things to worry about. I'm not good with words, but you seem to have forgotten something. Yes, I live for Wu and I life for my family. But to me, you are both of these things. If I don't have you then there's no such thing as Wu and my family will be incomplete."

They separated from the hug to take the time to look into each other's eyes. Her eyes seemed comforted and his were projecting the reassurance he intended.

"You see, the thing is I have my own selfish wish that whenever I come back to our bed you'll always be there to share it with me. For this reason I need to make sure that no harm can come to you and I will fight to keep it that way so I promise I can't live without you. I have to make sure you're safe when I get back."

It seemed almost unfair how lucky she was to have him, but she wasn't complaining. She didn't have any words to say to her husband; maybe she was speechless at his out of character, rather poetic speech. Since this is what seemed to be going on, she did something out of character herself. She placed both her hands gently behind his neck and although she was a lot smaller than her Lord, she pulled him into a long and tender kiss.

He knew that she definitely felt a lot better about the whole situation and thought that maybe she was going to pull him into another embrace. However it was his turn for the out of character, but extremely pleasing action. He returned the kiss equally as tender and loving. When they parted for air, he nuzzled her neck and played with her hair.

Running his hand up her slender, smooth thigh he whispered into the crook of her neck while planting butterfly kisses here and there, "I'm not leaving yet, we still have plenty of time to be with each other."

She smiled. Trust him to say something like this in such a moment. "My Lord, we're in the library.." Although the suggestion tempted her ever so much, she was after all a proper lady. Accepting so eagerly was maybe pushing the limits of her out of character behaviourisms for the day.

He raised his head so their foreheads were touching. Clearly on a much lighter note "I know, you aren't refusing though.." She blushed and started to turn her head clearly having been caught on the temptation although he caught her jaw gently with his calloused yet massaging hands and pulled her into a kiss. This was the woman he loved.

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_So that's my first fanfic done! _

_This was a small project to start me off so any review & comments are really appreciated. If you enjoyed it, that's great (it was fun to write) :3 Thanks for reading._

_Annie x_


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